The Right Decisions

As I sit here, finding myself with a wicked case of writer's block, the only thing I seem to be able to consider are the decisions I will eventually be forced to make and the repercussions that could and will ensue.

Making a feeble attempt to write actually seems to be the least of my problems at the moment but it does, in a sense, force me to reflect on the things I have yet to do, the decisions I have yet to make.
Millions of ideas, tiny voices, swirling around in the seemingly empty space that used to be my brain's.  Worries, negativity, doubt, fears, questions unanswered just seem to hang.  However, when reaching out in feeble attempts to face them, I find myself empty handed, dazed and confused.  Every one of my worries seemingly linked to the other, separate they are powerless but together, unsolved, they seem far more powerful than I do.

Before this week, I had honestly been enjoying the college (cegep here in Quebec) experience.  I am currently studying to get two DECs; one in health sciences and the other in social sciences. My justifications for choosing this program were that it would keep my options open, I had all the prerequisites and it would allow me to explore different potential fields and careers.  However, as my readers may or may not have determined:

I am no scientist.

This may seem completely irrelevant and unrelated to my introduction however, this leads me to my most prominent unanswered question which is undoubtedly, in my opinion, one of the most powerful of the lot.  What exactly am I going to do career and decision-wise?  This week has only proven to me how much I struggle to get the marks acceptable by my standards in the science field and quite frankly, how little I enjoy these classes.  I've always just gone through the motions of taking the harder courses or programs in order to "keep all doors open" so that if ever I change my mind, choosing sciences for one reason or another, I wouldn't have to go back in order to get my high school chemistry, physics, advanced math, etc.  College is different than high school, and I feel as though I may only be limiting myself in regards to what I could be potentially discovering.  Whether that discovery be of a career option or of some new part of me. 

Are all of one's worries brought upon one's self?  Do my faults of indecisiveness and doubt not flaw my overall forms of critical thinking in regards to the decisions I am to make for myself?  Sometimes I wish I could simply turn a blind eye to all the decisions I deem life changing or extremely important, though I concede relativity plays an enormous part in my views and the drama I clearly must enjoy.  Ignorance may be bliss but apathy is forced and though, I admit to feeling scared and confused as to where my paths will take me I wonder how anyone could not be preoccupied with such things.  The right decisions not only play a part in how your day will play out, but in some cases your life or your career.  I wish I knew how to go about deciding, whether the brutal cliché of following one's heart will ring true, or whether it will be awaiting me in future years to slam me with regret.  The right decisions are always the hardest to make in my opinion, and I've substituted my chemistry studying time with writing this post and now have yet another voice to add to the chorus inside my head.

Find my happy place.